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Rode Hard and Put Away Dead

by Axe Maniac

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1.
I went to the mountain intending to ski down Got onto the diamond track and quickly things went south The sun shines and howling breezes blow I dropped my poles and slid on slippery snow Up came a cliff, I abandoned all hope Right after tumbling down a very rocky slope Too bad these skis weren't equipment to rappel Here follows a narration of what I said as I fell off, ouch, uh oh here comes a rock, etc. Just make sure you have fun on the slopes - WHOA!
2.
My apartment looks like crap Every day is an opaque fog Mac and cheese room temp in my lap Thinkin' 'bout becoming a bog No muss, no fuss Advantages numerous Settle in for the big inert I will turn myself to dirt Lie covered in soil and seeds Dump lukewarm water in my face Recline on a couch of tweed Plant feet, stare off into space Peripheral vision fades Focus on the Everglades Mentally I've left my home Tall grass and marshy loam Two weeks, I've been dead-still Haven't quite adhered to the floor Neglected to pay my bills Cops burst in through the front door Landlord complained of a smell Tossed me in a concrete cell You might think I'm a gross schlub Or maybe a sapling shrub
3.
Distended sores erupt with vomit and pus Decaying corpse reduced to syrup Intestines strewn uncoiled in the dirt Stench of rot permeates the landscape Corpses bloat and pop in the sunlight Beetles crawl and maggots wriggle To me a typical Saturday night I prepare in front of the mirror Burning incense, doing yoga With 18 pounds of blow ingested Get in my car, go to the dance hall Get my groove on, wow the crowd Sweat in my executioner's mask The party ends when they say "Last Call," And the fun begins when I pull my axe.
4.
Drivin' cattle in the wild midwest Got a lawman star on my vest Had a hangin' just last week Strung 'im up on a branch of teak That crazy old coot is toast Hope he don't come back as a ghost This sun will burn me red Rode hard and put away dead Soaked down to the bone with sweat Saturated last cigarette No town for many a mile High noon has a rictus smile Then a sight that seems to random Is that some kind of phantom? Out thunders a great death rattle Which thoroughly spooks the cattle Great chaos, cattle scatter Fall off my horse with a clatter Two tons of oncoming beef Crush me down to guts and teeth YEEHAW!
5.
Choke On 'em 01:05
Far from civilization Deep within the woods A quaint village tucked away A cannibal neighborhood Woe to the unwary traveler Stay to roads well-known Those who meet this ravenous clan End up sun-bleached bones In this way we ventured Ignorant of our fates My esteemed colleagues and I Bound for dinner plates Quickly we were captured Whipped up into stew Cannibalistic potluck Flesh in the pan - guess who? The process of digestion Is different from the inside The weight of this indignity Would kill me if I hadn't died May this find you safe and well On roads that are well-trod 'cause crapped out by these hillbillies Is no way to meet God
6.
Humanoid 02:06
It came from the deep sea Bipedal and wet Enveloped in seaweed Dripping hideous silhouette Covered in barnacles An anchor dragging in tow Emitting nauseous miasma With the speed of an ice floe Homo Icthys Treading forth from the great abyss Behold the new God A big, walking two-legged cod It came with intent A lust for blood The will to conquer And hunger for death You cannot repent You'll drown in the flood The submarine stalker The ultimate sight for your final breath Homo Icthys A new day dawns, the end of man New king seeks throne An age of fear will soon commence Ragged gasping Choking on air, pitches forward Comes crashing down Forgot he had gills. Down he goes. So long.
7.
Gotta Metal 01:51
Someday we'll all be dead Rotten brain in a mummified head Worm food in a can in a cold, dark crypt As you molder and reflect On a life too circumspect By a corporate hand enslaved and whipped It'll be too late to live And you owe the world to give All the vim and vigor you can manifest Will you live, or die alive Fly high, or take a nosedive You must by metal be possessed Gotta metal, gotta metal Gotta put the metal to the pedal Make a metal fist, raise it high Gotta metal, gotta metal Metal blacker than the pot or the kettle Metal hard and fast until you die Look around at the world you've made Keep a tally of the prices paid You're a steel-winged eagle, fast and free Metal hard, that's metal - verb Fly your flag. Go forth, perturb In short, metal is the way to be Be free - not robotic Anything worth doing's quixotic Quit being a corpse, get out there and METAL!

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released September 7, 2021

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Axe Maniac Madison, Wisconsin

Axe Maniac is a one-man war crime from Madion, WI.

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